Mrs Munster's houseproud tips

I wish I could erase the last 10 years of my life. That way I wouldn't have ended up marrying that pathetic, miserable, nasty excuse for a human being. When I look back now, there were countless times when I could and should have finished with him. But now because of my son I am stuck with him forever! I really, really, really hate him! He is such an arrogant wanker and he is impossible to deal with. He gets away with everything and I feel like I am going to explode with rage everytime I see him or hear about his new fucking fabulous 4 bedroom house, or his latest holiday or some shit he is filling R's head with. I wish he would get run over by a bus or his train would derail or something, anything that he wouldn't survive, and I know you should be careful what you wish for but this is how he makes me feel. He is currently making my life a misery and if I never had to see him again it would be too soon.

I suppose if we had finished 10 years ago, I wouldn't have my son, and I wouldn't want to be without him, but sometimes, I find it so hard, and I'm terrified that he is going to get screwed up by the situation between us. I hate the fact that he could be influenced by his bully of a father or that he could be on the receiving end of that bullying. He is already coming out with weird things when he has been with his dad and I worry myself sick over what the future holds. I know I can't control anything but it still makes me depressed thinking about everything. Maybe, I should just give up and move us back to England. But even then, I would still have to deal with him, plus deal with my family, but I think I could do with some additional support just now. At the moment, I have nobody to back me up, or help me out, and now he is acting like a wanker I can't even rely on him to help out if necessary.

I feel so frustrated. My life just seems to have gone bad over the last 10 years and nothing seems to bring it back on track. I have tried things but it just never gets any better and now it seems that it is heading for another low. I know things will start to improve when R starts school and I can get back to doing things for myself, but his father will still be there and I know everytime I raise a concern he will belittle me. The problem is that I don't have any power. He has it all. We are living in his house but in a couple of years we will have to start paying him rent, and then he will be making a profit out of us, as well as owning a house worth £100,000 plus a share in his fucking new 4 bedroom house in fucking Currie. I know bitterness is self-destructive but I can't help it. When he walked out he threw me on the single mother poverty scrap heap, whilst his life didn't even change, he was still going out, still had his job. Now he wants to dictate everything, when he sees his son, everything, despite the fact that he walked out, that there was never any discussion about who was going to look after R. He just went, had a few days going mad going out all the time, came back 2 days later with a new girlfriend and proceeded to dictate what he wanted, and he is still doing it 3 years later. I put up with it because I wanted him to see R, but now I have had enough. He is just taking the piss, but of course, because I am standing up to him he is now trying to belittle me and undermine me. I can't fucking stand it!

So, I went to the doctor, and she referred me for counselling and reached for the prescription pad, but it's not pills I need, it's a way to change my life. I need something good to happen to me, just one little thing, then I could at least believe that things could improve eventually.

My life is so fucking dismal that I can't wait for Big Brother to come on. I wish Lea hadn't gone. I don't even have any alcohol, but then that is a good thing because I would only make myself ill.

What the fuck am I going to do?

Advertisement